The Love Is Gone...

There is no love between you and I anymore. What was once like fuel to the fire is now simply as awful as the aftermath of Black Saturday.

Dramatic, true, but my heart is so very tired. So very sick of feeling betrayed, rejected, hurt, humiliated. So I didn't do what you wanted me to do. You did afterall say it was my choice. But clearly it was only my choice if I did what you wanted and anyway... big deal.... was it really that bad? To create a life? You'll never understand there simply was no choice.

Was I so easily replaced. Was I simply a trophy that could be taken off the mantel and replaced with a less shiny version?

Tears fill my lonely times, memories of happier days. I want them gone. Every memory of you, I want gone. I don't ever want to think of you again.

Convenient you said. Indeed. If only you knew how convenient it would be to never think of you. Never dream of you. You attack me at night in my bed and I pray you won't visit - but you do invariably. Not every night, but most nights.

When will it end. When will the grief be over. Acceptance? Sure - I accept it. Love? No longer, what was once a great love now seems like a joke. Was it even real? All those words you said to me and they meant nothing.

I feel decieved, wronged, ripped off. It was meant to be me in the wedding dress! It was meant to be me having the baby! It was meant to be me planning our future. And instead, i'm alone.

My heart is a barren waste land. I doubt it will love again. Maybe one day someone special will reignite that fire. I wonder who they will be. I wonder if i'm ready. I doubt it. I doubt I ever will be again.

People say 'you still love him'. But no, the love is gone and I am so very tired. I just want this chapter closed so I can move forward into the light. Please ... let me ... let it be over ...